So a lot of you know that these past couple of years have been trying on me. With the house,my girls,and mine and Ted’s problems…
Well right now I feel like I’m being pulled into a million different directions and just don’t know which way to go. I feel like I’m playing a role in life,and whenever the tide changes I change with it. I will change with the tide even if it isn’t necessarily the right thing to do,and I’m convicted by it. I have been really selfish lately even if I know it is wrong. I make up excuses to justify my actions even though I know that’s all they are “excuses”…
This is what I do know. I know my girls…Jayleigh and Kendall are the reason I take my next breath. I don’t want to make the wrong choices by them. They deserve soooooo much more than me messin up their lives. Sometimes I think they would be better off without me because here lately I have not done what a good mom should do. I have put everyone in front of them…my stepdad, my cousins,and even my feelings. I don’t wanna do that anymore,but it is soooooo hard to tell people NO sometimes. I guess that there has always been so much chaos around me,that I just want everything to be “OK” with everyone,so I don’t take the time to see that everything isn’t “ok” with me and my own. Anyways that’s really about all I gotta say….till next time…
Yours Truly,
HOLLA
Mama said There’d be Days Like This… January 25, 2010
AMANDA MARIE…OUR MIRACLE BABY!!!! November 18, 2009
So I’m not sure if you guys know this or not…What the hell though,I tell y’all ever thing else. I am the daughter of this man named James Hollice Worley…Hence Holly,ya know your’s truely. Well turns out this man they called Jay,was to be none other than my DADDY…now that word is so foreign to me, I don’t even ever remembering using the word. I was told that was my 1st word,but seeing as how I was on a year or so old,don’t remember it,DUHH…
Anyways… I was told that my “DADDY” (still weird to say) loved me more than anything in the world.I was told that my brother “Will” and I were his greatest accomplishment. Well here comes the twisted part…after he and I were “accomplished” he decided to VAMP…not in a,I can’t handle being a father so I need to move to another town…BUTT as in I’m sick,I’m addicted to every kind of man made chemical DRUG,so I’m better off DEAD kind of move…
The problem with that move was he left 2 precious,”accomplishiments” behind. Now I’m at a place in my life where I’m reflecting A LOT…I think to myself what if I missed Jayleigh’s first loose tooth,or Kendall playing barber shop,and cutting her bangs….I would sell my soul to the Devil himself to have those kind of memories. I never actually missed him until I had Jayleigh and Kendall. Then I realized what he missed out on,and it made me sooooo MAD. I actually said I hated him,and thought I meant it. Until I was reminded here recently that my DADDY was sick. Yea sick he was addicted to anything that would numb his pain… That is when I started thinking. How much anguish he was truly in at the time of his suicide. He had just been divorced by my mother bc of the drugs (no fault of her own) his little sis was recovering from a wreck that had crushed almost every bone in her body…she was told she would never conceive. Also he had just found out his father was dying of Lung Cancer….Well I started to realize…he felt helpless,and hopeless,his whole world came crashing in on him at one time…kinda like I feel now. There is one difference though, I know JESUS CHRIST,he didn’t. I can only imagine the weight of the world on your shoulders,plus have an addiction to boot..and think you are all alone. I prolly woulda done what he did to. The difference between he and I is only 1…because I’m told he had a heart of GOLD just like me…I know Jesus and no one ever really truly took the time to introduce him to Jesus. There is no getting over this kind of tradgedy in your life,but there is a way to deal with it,and that is only through “THE BIG GUY”…it’s the ONLY WAY…
Now I actually started this post to bring awearness to pre-mature babies…Well that is one little miracle I would like to share with you guys.
Ya remember how I said my daddy had been told his little sis would never walk,or EVER conceive a baby….well just 4 mos. After his passing almost on my birthday nov.3…it was actually on nov.6th his little sis came up with the WORST TUMMY ACHE EVER. She was not one just to run to the DR. Because she was SICK of doctors.(she had been ran over) anyways she just couldn’t take the pain anymore and decided to let her hubby take her to the ER. Guess What??? She went in with a belly ache and came out with an AMANDA MARIE!!! YEA!!!! She was 3 mos. Early,and it was the 80’s,but she stuck it out and she is honestly the MOST PRECIOUS SOUL…I have ever laid my eyes on. We call her OUR MIRACLE sent UPS from GOD…had it not been for that BEAUTIFUL SOUL, I don’t think I would have some of the aunts and uncle I have now….she a little 6 mos premie saved soooo many!!!
MY LUV u soooooo much manda!!!!
Hush Your Mouth!! PAleaseee November 16, 2009
So all of y’all know I’ve kinda hit another rough patch. The thing about it is,is that not only am I feeling guilty enough.I have my family in my ear saying that DIVORCE is wrong!!!
Well I know divorce is wrong,but my family says GOD means for us to suffer sometimes,but I just don’t believe that. I believe MY GOD loves me and he will forgive me. I don’t think GOD intends for a girl to be called everything in the book,besides my name,or have physical altercations with their husbands…don’t get me wrong. When I say physical,I fight back. I’m not the perfect wife by any means of the streach. I have done some really wrong things to. It went both ways. Our trust of one another is totally shattered,and is not fixable.
I just wish on top of this I had a little support. Instead I am told I’m screwing over my girls,and GOD wants be to suffer. Well I just don’t know. I’m so confused. I don’t want to do wrong in GOD’s eyes and I would really love it,if I could go to my mom’s and Grandmother’s house and be hugged instead of…..
What you’re doing is wrong,you don’t have GOD,you need to be in church…you need to live in the word! They say my faith is different than their’s or somehow isn’t as good as their’s.
Well I beg to differ! It’s like I have to defend my faith to them…I’m getting so tired of it. They go and volunteer at a mission once a month,which is wonderful. I don’t think I’ve told y’all the story of my step-dad (which is a whole other post) long story short he has an addiction to drugs,and I have found him on death’s bed and took him in for a while…I did it bc it was the right thing to do,that is what Jesus would’ve done. Well my family said “how could you help him after all he did to u as a kid”. That stuff was in the past and when he was sober he was an awesome dad.
So I’m just kinda in a state of confusion…I don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore and trying just to sort things out.
I do know I have faith,and ONLY GOD has gotten me this far,and he is the only constant I have ever had,wheather its different from their faith or not.
I would LOVE to follow through on my cause to,but I’m just so tired of being told what I’m doing is wrong. I’m just tired of being wrong all the time….
PS…I’m not saying all of this stuff to give myself a pity party. I’m just getting stuff off my chest and y’all are my shrink….so till next time
LUV ya all,and I’m just gonna keep on keepin on
HOLLY
GOD is Great,Beer is Good,People are Crazy…Part Deux September 9, 2009
Here we go…
I started my last post with “chaos” follows me”. Well, a lot of it is me bringing it on myself,but I do it with good intent. Like letting my cousin Tash and her kids stay with me (which she has moved back into her house,can I get an AMEN) while we were fixing her house up,and getting her back on her feet. If I hadn’t offered that,she probably wouldn’t have left her good for nothing hubby,and still be there just stuck. So even though it was TREMENDOUSLY CAOTIC,around my house for this past month. I helped someone out in a HUGE way,and that feels good.
In the past month in a half,I did that,plus while she was staying here,something really bad happened,which yall read about in my previous post. That in it’s on little way taught me a huge life lesson,plus just strengthened my faith in GOD.
Now we’re 10 days into a new month,and my hubby and I are going through a separation. It has been a long time coming,and has left me pretty upset,angry,numb,sad,and hurt all at one time. It has him the same way to. I know God will get me through this one to,and I really don’t want to put all my business out there,but I am kind of in this uggggghhhh,place and don’t really know where to turn to next.
I have given my cause a break,while I pick up my pieces a little and figure out where I stand. I also want to make sure that this transition is going to be as smooth as possible for my girls. That is one thing we have both decided,they come first!!! We have even decided to co-exist for right now,until something changes. He is a truck driver and is only home on the weekends. I’ve been going to my mother’s house pretty much every weekend for the past 6 or 7 months anyway. This really has already happened,but neither one of us just came out and said it. I guess as soon as it’s said,it makes it real. That is exactly what has happened it is real to me now,and I was always gonna be the one to “DEFY” the odds. I just feel such failure,because I didn’t.
Now my next chapter is getting a job. I already have one lined up. I go and talk to my old manager one day this week. What is good about this job is,it’ll be graveyard shift,so I’ll still be able to do field trips,and class parties at my girl’s school. It is cocktailing at one of our casinos down here. Now I’m not about gambling and all that,but I’m gonna have to hold my own now. It’s good money and excellent benefits. So ya’ll wish me luck and say a prayer for me.
Now about BAIL U.S. OUT!!! I’m still gonna be working on it,but I’m gonna take a couple of more weeks and just get into a routine of things. As a matter of fact I got a call from senator Thad Cochran’s office today. The lady there is gonna pass my story on too. I know that there is a point you get to where you can’t turn back,and maybe I’m just a little scared of that. Shhhhh don’t tell anybody I said that.
GOD is Great,Beer is Good,People are Crazy August 31, 2009
I really don’t even know where to start. These past few weeks for me have been chaos,and hell. It seems chaos follows me,or maybe I follow chaos. I don’t know. Y ‘all know I’m letting my cousin Tash and her 3 kids stay with me,while we get her home in working order. So the stress of having 5 kids in my home plus trying to be a good mom and wife,and don’t forget the cause I’m trying to promote,and getting all of these kids registered in school has kind of driven me a little loopy. I told y ‘all in my last post,that my days just kind of run together in a big huge BLURRRRR..
Now something very bad happened in the midst of all of this,and I’m not at liberty to say exactly what “it” is. Just know that is something that goes against my core values of life. I thought that if I didn’t fix it that,someone I love very deeply could go to Hell. I started a prayer chain Thursday night,in hopes that GOD,would get those prayers and make everything ok.
Well Friday morning Tash left,took her kids to school,and I kept my girls out of school,and went to my mother’s house. My sister-n-law Tabitha was there,and so were my nieces. I prayed,prayed,cried,cried,and thought I was literally fixing to take my last breath of life. That is how bad I was hurting,realizing this is something I can’t fix,and make ok. Loosing “CONTROL” it was killing me. As I laid on the kitchen floor at my mother’s house “thinking I’m loosing it” ,my Kendall ran from outside playing,I set up really quick not to scare her. She said “open this cookie for me”. It was a fortune cookie.I did crack it open,Kendall took the cookie and ran. I looked at the fortune and it said “SPEAK NOT,TO THE THINGS YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND”…… That was GOD,saying right then and there, HOLLY,it’s gonna be ok. You don’t understand,and that’s ok. The person who I love so much and GOD are gonna have to work out their issues. I’M NOT GOD,I HAVE NO CONTROL,but with GOD there,everything is going to be ok.
PS.I’m gonna be back on my cause really soon!!!
Update… August 20, 2009
I know I haven’t posted in a while. I have been really really busy. My girls have started school. I am helping my cousin Tash out. She and her 3 youngins,have been staying with me for the past couple of weeks,while we get her home in working order. So I have had 5 little girls under my toes for the past couple of weeks. Yes that is what I said 12345…! Yes,my days have just been running together. I don’t know when one day stops and the other day begins,that’s how busy I have been.
I haven’t had a chance to promote my cause like I should be doing. You see why now. My family ALWAYS comes first. You help people up when they are down.
Here is where I’m at in my cause: I have started a new social network called http://bailusout.ning.com It is a social network for anyone to air any greivance they have with the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT! When I finally get that CONGRESSIONAL INVITE,I will take them to congress as well. I have kind of changed my cause just a tiny bit,because EVERYONE always says….”When you get to Wahington DC to get out $6.000 bail out money,could you also get a STRAIGHT ANSWER ON : I will let you fill in the blank on my new network.
Like I have been saying over and over again, Lets make them answer to the AMERICIAN REPUBLIC. We are their BOSS and I say it’s time to AUDIT THEM (our elected officials)!
ps. I’m still working on my VLOG,You guys are gonna be seeing a lot more of HOLLYtheHOUSEWIFE…Can ya’ll handle that,haha?
HOLLYtheHOUSEWIFE July 17, 2009
I have been debating this over and over. I have asked,I know,100 people if it was a good idea. I have to pay for advertising,to get Senator Wicker’s phone to start ringing.GRAPHIX gave me flyers,but they were gone in less than an hour. This is what I do know,a couple of ad agencies,have asked me to let them market HOLLYtheHOUSEWIFE. Well I knew if I did that my whole cause against the “BIG BUSINESS” getting are TAX DOLLARS, would be going against everything I’m fighting for. That is why the “TEA PARTIES” didn’t get paid attention to. They were being sponsored by WALL STREET! 
Now if you can’t donate,believe me ” I know the feeling” … If you could just tell people about my blog and I have launched a new social network called
http://bailusout.ning.com If you could just get your friends to join that site I would greatly appreciate it. Or if you can just get the word out. I want this to be a TRUE GRASS ROOTS MOVEMENT,and if your fed up like I am I know you can help!!! We can do it together…
Also if you know anyone who can help me with promotion please go to my ning site,as I have my number listed on the site. Only for TRUE BLUES THO..THX A MILL HOLLY
UH HUH!! I KNOW!! 2 DC the HOUSEWIFE GOES!!! May 5, 2009
M’k guys here’s where I’m at. I re-activated my account on twitter a couple of weeks ago,and I’ve already gotten a whole lot of followers. I just knew I wasn’t the only one here,that had been yelling at the TV,every-time we saw another BAILOUT BILL pass. I crunched a few numbers, (I did it 3 times). I found out that with the past 2/7oo billion dollar bailouts,the extra85,billion that the car co. requested,and last but not least this pass 450 billion dollar “INFRASTRUCTURE” bill that just passed, you know the one with the legislation in it that sent something like 5,000.000.00$$$ to do research on how to make a PIG(yes,u heard me right!) not smell so bad.
Well you add all that up and divide it by a little over 300,000,000 -300 million AMERICANS. and guess what you come up with?
are u ready for this??
EVERY SINGLE AMERICAN,including the non-workers people on welfare,your kids even!!!!!(get my point) EVERY SINGLE AMERICAN(I just had to say that again,u know a good build up,haha) could have received a STIMULUS CHECK of $6,000.00 uh huh,yup,that’s what I said.
Now I know I’m not the smartest girl in the world, BUT I know that with a $6,000 dollar check in people’s pocket that would do a little STIMULATE’n to the economy!!!! So this is my purpose,my mission to get U.S. a bailout!!!!
I just got a place to give me flyer’s and I put sen. Wicker’s number on it,and I’m gonna just saturate Memphis, Tn this weekend……..I just know that if enough of us complain something will be done, hey
SHARE THE WEALTH ! I know a certain president that got elected on that phrase, LET’S HOLD HIM TO IT!
PS if you can think of any ideas on how to get the word out,please email me
You can follow me on twitter to hollythehousewi~is my user name (yall know I wasn’t gonna shorten it,not even for twitter)
HOLLA,HOLLY
HOLLYtheHOUSEWIFE goes to Washington…. April 20, 2009
That could be an upcoming post,if I can get my congressional invite! I already have reader’s out there who know that I have MOXY,but to those of you who don’t I’m telling you that I do. I hate being rude,but,I might have to invite myself, if my Sen. Roger Wicker, doesn’t invite me.
IF YOU ARE SICK AND TIRED OF BAILING OUT BIG BUSINESS,KEEP HITTING MY BLOG!!!!!!! pass it foreward! When I get to DC,I will speak for you to!!!!!!!!!
How Can You Tell When a Polliticion is LYING? When He/She opens His/Her Mouth!! April 6, 2009
I want to make a few things clear. I don’t want the current President FAIL! His failure,would be the U.S.A.’s failure. Which in turn,would be Yours and my failure. I don’t want that.
What I do want is, the PROMISES kept by Barak Obama! On the campaign trail he promised,NO MORE PORK!!!! In this past 400 billion dollar STIMULUS/BAIL OUT, There was an earmark in there where,Our tax dollars has gone to pay for research done on how to make a PIG not smell so bad. That is yours and my HARD/VERY HARD,earned tax dollars paying for PORK,literally!!!! These are the same people that we put into office. We have to take some responsibility in this mess. We elected these BARNEYS.
I have said it in many,many other posts. If AMERICA really wants a change then WE need to start knocking on WASHINGTON’S front door. America is sick and tired of bailing out big business and ceo’s ! I am one of those Americans. I know HOLLYtheHOUSEWIFE can’t make a change on her own. If other people out there are sick and tired of it ,then put action into your words. Get up and call your rep,ask what he/she is doing for YOU!!!!!!! Hold the people accountable. Tell them you won’t be voting for them next election unless, Everyone has a job, Gas prices are affordable,homes are out of foreclosure, and you can actually afford to buy groceries. I can assure you if you threaten to take their POWER and PRESTIGE away,then a change will be made!!!!!!!
My husband is a truck-driver. The company he works for just had to lay off a lot of drivers,I’m not so sure that my husband isn’t next in line. The company also had to cut out all of it’s bonus programs. That is an extra 1,000$ a month taken from my kids mouths,all in the name of a PIG not to smell bad!!! Fed Ex,whose main Hub is in Memphis, Tn (10 min from where I live) has just laid off 500 workers ,all in the name of a PIG not to smell bad,or for BIG BUSINESS CEO’S TO GET THEIR BONUSES!!!!!!!!
I’m fed up,I do my part though. I call those rep,congressman,senators.It’s time for you to do your part too.
WE PUT THEM IN OFFICE AND WE CAN TAKE THEM OUT!!!!! Just get your voice heard! MMmm k I’m done venting for the moment,but I can assure you I’ll be back soon if something doesn’t give!
