KEEP IT COPESTETIC…ETIC ETIC March 24, 2011

I don’t know what that means…I just like saying it!  So when me and Ted were fighting for the bazillionth time,he said something new….I am sooooo mad and hurt still from being kept away from my babies for sooooo long. I thought Ted just hated me…The whole time I was gone he didn’t say he LOVED me one time. They promised they would bring my girls and only did it one time. That’s why I acted so krazy!!! That’s why I hitchiked home 2x’s ta see MY GIRLS !!! I didn’t care what anybody thought except for TED,JAYLEIGH,and KENDALL!!!

Ted told me that my family told him to ignore me. Not to come see me. This ya’ll  is what happens when people don’t mind their own BIZNAZZ!!!  We were prolly both cryin our selves ta sleep ever night!!! I don’t know what it is about me that everone see’s the need ta intervine….WHEN THEY SHOULD BE LOOKIN IN THA MIRROR!!!

I’m gonna give it one more shot for MY FAMILY MY DREAM,bc I deserve it just as much as u do!!! I will forgive to. Forget though NEVER…ya don’t treat DOGS the way I was treated…PERIOD END OF STORY!!!  I’m gonna give it 1 more shot….and this time NOT 1 DAYUMMMM BODY WILL front me with the way I live!!!  If u do? Just be prepared ta suffa tha rath!!! cuz I’M BOUT IT! BOUT IT! BET!!!!

PEACE

Don’t make me go KARAZZY white GUHH on you!! March 24, 2011

So aight… Ima let THA monkey outta THA bottle (pineapple express..HAHA) I gotta have laf a little ta keep from cryin!! They don’t call me ( Aunt HA HA fir nut’n) GOTTA keep it KOSHER! There I go again, gettin sidetracked…GOTTA LUV ME!! (and oooooo Tika babe,ur yazzy turned my Diva into a lesbian. I gotta stop typin ta break them up…ohhhh MA LORD, U so owe me one!!!) K now where was I… Hold up lemme go read…. Yea time ta start a new paragraph… C below / gotta member what I was gonna post about… Oh wAit I GOT IT!!! KaRaZzy white GUHH!!

So this time I SCRWED up bunches!!! It was bout this time last year. It was Kendall’s birthday! He didn’t come home for the whole weekend (guilty,it goes both ways)…so DAYUMMMM STUPID!! Anyways I hadda feelin… Y’all know how WHITE TRASH I get when I loose ma temper. (am still workin on that,step bak and look at the sitch..before u leap) I got MA feelin,and he wouldn’t answer his phone… So I loaded up MA GIRLYS and a ride I did take! Now here is where I get all STUPID! I found Ted at his ex-wife’s house… He called in sick (TED HAS NEVER DONE THAT FOR ME) when I saw his car my heart SANK… I saw RED.. and pulled out MA pocket knife and went ta town on teds tires… RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF ALL OUR KIDOS!! I sooo went there,and ASHAMED of ma self I AM!!!

Now that brings me ta the present…I have caused sooo much heartache and pain…and fir that I’m SORRY!!! Now TJ needs his daddy.. And he wants nothing ta do with me… Which is FINE!
I deserve ever thang that get’s thrown at me!!! What I can’t handle is T.J. not seeing his daddy because of me!!! They keep sayin TJ.. Doesn’t wanna come around BC of me!! And BLAME them I do NOTT!!! Ted and Holly are DunZo!!! We gave it a good run and sometimes $#!+ Happens… Just T.J. Please see ur daddy..!!!

Let’s Get all Ike & Tina up in dis B!0+€# March 18, 2011

K… Ima take a minute ta tell some OV ma GUHH’s out there, who are trapped like me some VALUABLE advice!!! Take heed WOMEN! “Behind ever good man/DAWG IZ a BETTA (& I do mean better) woman!!!! Ya see us girlZ go thru some stuff ta give our babies a decent life.
We get imprisoned by our life. We see NO way out. Ever once in a while you will hear a success story. Those are few and far between though. You’re more likely to see women on court TV who have just snapped and can’t take the pain anymore and do something KaRazZy! Then there are the ones who medicate (heller). Now we can’t forget bout the ones who play the illusion of “Donna Reed” all the while being tormented.
I used ta play the Donna Reed role. I wanted ever body ta think,man she’s got her stuff together. Then it came ta a point of wanting ta be numb to the pain. So I medicated. I have never done anything right for anybody, and was reminded MANY times over! Not just by Ted,but my family to. Ya see when a “man” works and provides,then he is A OK in your family’s book. As a matter of fact he is better than you. So much better than you they will move him in and send you up the creek (water under the bridge Holly). Sorry y’all. Can ya tell I’m a little jaded?!
Now girls out there this is what I have learned. The more things change the more they stay the same! We are STUCK. There are NO fairy tales! There is however, happily ever afters!!! DO WHAT MAKES U HAPPY!!!! GIVE A DAYUMMMMM bout what others think of you!!! I mean that from the depths of ma soul!!! If your family doesn’t support you??? Ummmerraaa O THA HELL WELL! You can love your family from a distance. I do and am happier for it! If ya can’t find a job because ever dang interview ya go on the boss man wants more of you,than answering the phone? It’s OTAY! Something will come along. When he comes at you in that drunken stupor,and decides ta choke you out… Pick up the biggest object you can find,and FIGHT THA HELL BACK!!!! FIGHT like your life depends on it! That is exactly what I do! Ma family thinks I am the abuser haha… That is because them BOYZ get good at crafting the art of abuse. They learn if ya choke em it doesn’t have ta leave a mark. They learn if ya ta a down pillow which is pretty heavy and swing with all their might,it leaves no scars.
Wait a minute now…we can’t furget THA mental stuff. Ya KNO, NOBODY WILL WANT U! you’re a natural born WHORE, you’re ugly,you’re a sorry excuse for a mother and a wife! Oh and ma favorite “YOU DISGUST ME”!!! Lemme tell ya what girlyZ,listen to it NO MORE!!!!!!
If you are imprisoned…MAKE IT FUNN!!! When he comes at you,you go right back at him! He hits u,knock his ASS out! He calls you outta your name,well then you do the same!!! TAKE IT NO MORE!!! Put your self on a pedastool! Cherish yourself! Go buy your own self flowers! Dedicate songs to yourself!!! Talk yourself UP! You don’t need a man ta do it! Be POSITIVE!!! Always remember this to shall pass! Ima leave ya with this… WALK SOFTLY and CARRY A CAST IRON SKILLET!!!!!!

Till next time…HOLLLLLAAAAA

CHOICES….CHOICES…CHOICES,JERRY LEE CHOICES!!! March 1, 2011

Sup Peeps?!  Ya’ll I’m so tired. Just Sick and Tired….I have tried fir close ta 10 yrs. now ta CHANGE THIS DANG MAN!!! GOD kno’s I have, I HAVE…. I’M soooo the GLASS is half  FULL, and he’s so… GIMMY THAT DAMN GLASS, u don’t deserve it! I’m ” TA MORROW IZ ANOTHAA DAY” and he’s so IT’S DOOOMS DAY….we’re all gonna die! we’re all gonna die! Tis true what he says,we are gonna die one day. It doth happen ta all ov us!  (NO FAIR…FAIR IS FAIR, says BILLIE JEAN) I get life is no fair,and I get FAIRY TALES are fir da birds…

It’s all about the ILLUSION…LIFE IS AN ILLUSION that’s it,so very DANG simple. It’s all in how ya look at it! I always try ta find the SILVER LINING…and soooooo many people around me wanna WOLLER N MISERY…YA’LL THAT AINT”TH FUNN !!! THE PEOPLE THAT ARE POSE TA TREASURE ME ARE JUST PURE D MEAN AND HATEFUL! HATEFUL things comith outta their mouths….I’M SOOOOOOO DUNZO WITH IT! IF YA AIN’T GOT NUT’N NICE TA SAY GET GONEEEEE!!!! What people think about me is NUN OV MA BIZNAZZ ;~)!

I know I’m a little out there. I’m a DIAMOND in the ruff  (PS when I die, I want ta be creamated,and ma carbon compressed ta make a diamond,that way I can be forever),but sooo in tha hell what?!! JUDGE NOTTT LEST YE BE JUDGED (kids outta wed lock, shackin up,plan B pills, peeps takin PRESCRIBED drugs,but it doeth the same thing as if ya bought it frum a KRAZY on THIRD,and the alcoholic that likes ta get MEAN ever weekend! ,and keepin ‘BAD COMPANY”  can we say HIPPOCRIT!!!!!!!!! The difference is NO ONE seperated any ov those people frum their babies and reminded them of how DISGUSTING you are ever chance they get, AZ IF!!!!

Now I have seperated ma self from MOST OV THOSE COMMENTS….All except for TED…I HAVE TRIED GOD KNOWS I HAVE TRIED….( niceness,it’s a GOOD THING!) I just want him ta be NICE…that’s all. TED IS AN AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME DADDY to his girls by being an EXCELLENT PROVIDER!!!! I in ma life have NEVER SEEN SUCH A HARD WORKER….I mean he takes it to the LIMIT!!!  He is just Jaded tho…In all HONESTY it breaks ma heart for him. I SOOOOO WANT HIM TA BE HAPPY!!!! He just NEVER WILL BE, until he realizes HAPPINESS is an INSIDE JOB!!! I have stayed with him sooooooo long because #1 I took a vow,2 we have beautiful babies together,and 3 I do love him!!! I LOVE  him like a child though. He needs ta be taken care of. I’m not talkin bout bringin his plate to him,or shavin his beard….I love doin that! I’m talkin bout, he literally won’t call and order a pizza bc it will turn into a fight. He is so ready to POUNCE….I just can’t live that way ANYMORE….I didn’t wanna be a STAT! I soooooo wanted to make it. I don’t wanna go to HELL, and I don’t wanna break a covenant I have with him and Jesus. I put a VOW on it! That is why I’m sooooooo conflicted. I do realize though that I’m only HUMAN just like ALL the other SINNERS out there. JESUS didn’t die for u a little bit more than he died for ME….I think he is loving and forgiving,and I prolly don’t deserve it but neither do U… WE’RE NOTTT WORTHY (Wayne’s World,Wayne’s World PARTY TIME)!!!! 

I do want a divorce, the problem is I can’t getta job…I’ve been offered TONS of jobs,but the benefits that come with it AIN’T FITTIN AIN’T FITTIN AT ALL!!! I’m a good GIRL I AM I AM!! (princeple before practice FOO! keep it KOSHER) I am writing this book and am gonna sale it,but it ain’t dun yet and MASTER PIECES take time…It in it’s self is a GAMBLE but ya’ll kno I GETTR DID! (to people who think I’m just playin online…I STICKITH MA TONGUE OUT AT U! it’s called building a network ( I HAVE THE BEST FRIENDS EVER IN BLOGGIN, they’ve taught me SOOOO MURCH). I just can’t catch a break in the mean time….I need a JOB,with NO BENEFITS….if anyone’s hiring out there!!!

I DON’T WANNA BE RICH AND FAMOUS ( HELLLLL 2 THA NO!!!) all I want is a house in the kuntry with ma ANIMALS and YARD WORK…I LUV TA MAKE A GARDEN….(thx aunt DD) THAT IZ SOOOOOO NOT THAT MUCH TA ASK OUTTA LIFE!!! SO I have made the decision FOR REEEEEEEEELLLLL THIS TIME (even tho if  TED EVER NEEDED ANYTHING I would be RITE THERE!!) I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY….and that’s what would make me HAPPY!!!  A FAIRY TALE, I NEED NOTT!!!! but A HAPPILY EVER AFTER….OH YEA…IT SHALL BE MINE!!!!

don’t know how I’m gonna go about doin it,but WHERE THERE’S A WILL THERE’S A WAY!!!!  Did ya’ll know I have a WILL…he’s ma bro…I just need a WAY!!! no worries tho, he will lead me there….

PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST….SAVE THE WHALES!!!

till next time HOLLAAAAA